The Ladies’ Opening Breakfast (LOB) happens at every private club in America between the months of March and May, depending on how weather challenged they are.
It starts with the conference called by the Chairwoman…she must have a three hour meeting with the person traditionally charged with the ladies golf program, “The First Assistant” (TFA)
This meeting has one purpose…so the TFA understands the RULES of Ladies Day. Being TFA is a good thing…you get to teach, play with the membership, and occasionally go to tourmaments the Head Golf Professional (HGP) deems beneath him…but that’s OK.
The Pro-Junior PeeWee or the Pro-Senior Men’s Club Champion events have had some thrilling finishes over the years. The wheelchair chip-off in the latter can be a real heart-pounder
TFA: “Hear that sound?”…he’s talking to The Second Assistant (TSA), who has been drafted to come along to the LOB because one day soon he will be in charge of the group…usually when TFA gets fired for some egregious act…like littering.
TSA: You mean the sound of eight women, all sitting at the same table, and all talking at once?
TFA: Yes…you know the voice of the teacher in Charlie Brown cartoons?
TSA: Yeah, wah wah wah…wah wah wah wah wha?
TFA: That’s it!
TSA: Or a flock of geese flying overhead in the fall?
TFA: Exactly!
Uh Oh…what happens next is not only hazerdous to the health of the young golf professionals but could very well send them to “real job” hell.
It’s……………………….the church giggles.
If they are caught giggling at the LOB by the chairwoman, a fate much worse than death awaits.
They are likely headed out to the real world to see just what their Major in college (English Education) and their Minor (Range Ball Picking) is worth on the open market
The church giggles come on slowly and bulid like a swell miles out in the ocean…only to become a 12-foot hang-ten curler by the time they reach the shore.
In this case, the giggles will not be stopped…it’s impossible. So TFA and TSA do the only thing they can…run!
“No worries”, TFA gasps mid-stride, “There’s always ad sales!!”
