Now old Crum Gregory wasn’t really in the mood to get yelled at about a lost umbrella. He was just back from the bagroom where he had finished off his usual breakfast of a jumbo Red Bull and a six-pack of Krispy Kremes.
Now all he wanted was to settle down in his lawn chair and assign a few loopers to a few hackers.
“What seems to be the problem Miss Lagare? Hey have you lost some weight?”
“Well maybe just a little”, she blushed, “but I’m here on a matter of the utmost importance. You see the umbrella the late Governor willed me has gone missing, and I just know it was in my bag the last time I played. I simply must get it back.”
Crum thought to himself ”That damn thing’s had more birthdays than the Old Pro’s FootJoy lizard skins”, and furthermore I hope that rat of a dog of yours ate it and died.”
“Well ma’am if it’s not in your bag now I can’t imagine what could have happened to it” Crum offered with as much pitiful sorrow and as little sarcasm as he could muster, “and besides Spike here he just got a whole box of new umbrellas in yesterday, ain’t that so Spike?”
“That’s true” Spike acknowledged, and they are on sale today only as a matter of fact. Let’s go have a gander shall we?”
“I don’t have any intention of purchasing a new one when the one I have is perfectly fine” Ms. Lagare declared, wagging her bony finger between the two.
“And I’m just positively sure that y’all have lost it!”
The truth is The Golf Pro never wins these battles in the end and Spike didn’t have his 25-year anniversary at Angel Oak Golf Club in his sights for nothing.
“Well I’m just sure you are absolutey right on this one Mrs. L ” The Old Pro admitted, “and I take full and complete responsibility for the loss, theft, or God forbid suicide, or any other possible act of violence that has befallen your old friend.”
“Now please do come in the golf shop and take a new one on me and as a matter of fact take two ‘cus we’ll probably lose that one too by next ladies day” he said with a smile, “you know how clumsy we are that way.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go tend to Doc Leggett…poor old boy’s got a wicked case of the shanks…might be terminal!”
As Spike Lemon walked to the driving range, all Crum Gregory could do was smile, shake his head slightly, saying only to himself , “there ladies and gentleman goes the master.”
